Home and Away

my faith, my life, in a faraway land Livin', inspirin & lovin' it

Saturday, July 17, 2004

Sorry Abba but I need a break..

Ever had the experience of thinking about all the problems you are dealing with and the possible hurdles you may encounter. Coupled by the bad, the sad, the past.. yes the past. All the emotions from these events come together. Woo... that's formidable I think. At least potent enough to keep my tears flowing.

It's one of those days.. actually one of those very few days when I allow myself to 'let loose'. Maybe I shouldn't. It makes me feel so vulnerable, with tears streaming down my face as I'm typing.

Life is so difficult for me that I've gotta rely on His grace everyday. Isn't this what everyone hopes for? His grace. Maybe not for me at this moment. I just feel so angry with myself for saying this and I know I don't mean it that way. But I just feel tired having to take baby steps everyday.. am I getting near? It seems so.. but it's getting more difficult too.. and it's still baby steps?!? When can I start to run? I know I'm impatient but I just feel so alone now. No one truly understands.

I played Pastor Prince's CD this afternoon. He said people don't feel God's presence all the time but it doesn't mean He's not with us. I know that! I guess I'm just choosing to shut myself from Him right now. I'm tired on relying on Grace. Call me unfaithful.. I just need a break.

He understands I'm sure.


At 12:30 PM, Blogger "SPG" said...

Definitely He'll understand. And remember this, you're a child loved by Him. He knows, and understands you. Perhaps this is another trial set by the Lord. I know, words have limited impact as compared to actions and physical stuff that you can see and feel, but I'd still like to day, God's watching over you. Your life is given by Him. He knows what to do, and what's best for you. Be patient, and wait. You'll see His mercy and grace in no time. Keep on praying and believing. I'm sure you can do it. Maybe sometimes not thinking about these things, even His promises, helps. Because Abba always like to catch us unprepared. When He supplies and gives, we'll be really surprised, and thank Him with all our hearts. Simply because sometimes we think "we have given up hopes", He'll then surprise us with His gifts.

Mark 11:24 (my all-time favourite)
"Therefor I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours."

I've been relying on this verse for many things in my life. For work, good health, good academic results, and yes, even for "men" in my life! Hahaahhahaha...I know, unbelievable, especially for "men". Yeah, despo too...No choice, I'm one horny creature too. I admit. Hahahaha... Not corrupted thinking, please. *saintly sister Melissa*

I'll be praying for you wholeness too! Amen!


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