Home and Away

my faith, my life, in a faraway land Livin', inspirin & lovin' it

Wednesday, June 09, 2004


I've been restricting myself from blogging so I could have more time for revisions. Apparently I've achieved that.. but not so perfectly I guess.. yes.. no blogging but doesn't mean more time.. I've recently been hooked on shows proclaiming to have 'bitching attitudes' on Channel Ten. God, how I love those reality shows.. so shallow and crappy! huhahah.. well I would reckon they're better than watching movies like "Dude Where's My Car" *viana, you know what I mean*.. cuz at least they are real!!!

Oh well.. but I'm not going to go into those shows....

Gwen and I had been spending some 'quality' time in the library.. yeah pretty 'quality' I would say.. We got into endless discussions about guys and relationships. I guess being gals, we would never get enough of these.. though what we talked about were mostly repeated. The only difference was that names do change here and there. I'm still harping on the last two guys whom I've previously been with and she's obviously moved on to two new ones.

It was exciting to listen to how she talked about them and to be able to comment here and there... using my 'knowledge' in this field. Well, I guess I'm not an expert but I thought I could always pose as one. considering the amazing number of books and articles I've read about how to twist men around our little pinkies. *joking*

So anyway, I looked at the beam on Gwen's face and recalled how happy I had been, probably five months.. and then two months ago. By some twists and turns, I had gone out with two different guys. It had taken some risk-taking, a lot of following-the-heart and probably some regrets for me to be at this stage of emotional not-so-well-being.

I had lost a bet on my first long distance relationship and I guess my bet on the present one would also be a 'one-too-many' on a Black Jack table.

'One-too-many' worries, 'one-too-many' commitments... There's definitely too much entailed in this ambiguous relationship. Separated by thousands of miles, we've talked about visiting each other sometime within 6 months. Words were given and though we haven't gone into any real discussions of whether we want to be together, it seemed like we'll both try in some ways.

We would never have discussed this seriously at this moment anyway. Given his personality and mine.. Living in two different countries.. nothing is for certain and it's definitely unsaid that both of us will still keep our options open.

Anyhow, SMSs have decreased.. and MSN conversations have turned bland. Looks like though I'm still very much into him, he's probably not as passionate anymore. He chides me for how I analyse things and tells me to 'live life a little'. I hope I'm wrong about this but unreplied text messages seem to say otherwise.

Well I've been there before. It wouldn't be least difficult for me to get back on my feet again.. or maybe "get back to reality" *quoting some friends* if I needed to. I'm still booked on the flight to London. It may change however. I'm just gonna start reading the last book that may help. It's called the Holy Bible. Until then, I probably won't get an idea of how much stakes to place on the table.


At 6:19 AM, Blogger CharlieTango said...

grace, you should blog more :D

nice emo post by the way =)
dan tang here too
got me a blogger account, might give up my xanga one =\

At 8:59 AM, Blogger "SPG" said...

Hey gal,

Hope you're feeling better! God Bless!

Luv ya

At 8:39 PM, Blogger Grace Chen said...

thank thanks thanks...

I've gotta be more concerned about my exams than anything else now.


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