Home and Away

my faith, my life, in a faraway land Livin', inspirin & lovin' it

Saturday, June 12, 2004

heavenly hurdles?

I've been wondering if it was a test of faith when I started to fall into a state of.. not so much of a depression but disappointment and bewilderness at the beginning of the week when I couldn't get hold of him. It made me recall events of yesteryear when a similar situation happened.

It was Mark.

It was exactly this time of last year. We just came back from a 3-day Brisbane-Sydney-Newcastle-Brisbane train-road trip together. Everything seemed fine and a relationship seem to be on the cards. But I fell real hard when I couldn't get through his phone for one whole week. Friends were talking and asking about us but his sudden 'disappearance' had caused me to refrain from expressing my feelings. And I know I could have taken a five-minute walk to his place to check things out. But pride stop me. So I cooped myself at home, trying real hard to study for exams for the following week. But I was crushed. What could I have done to render a guy to avoid me like this? I prayed real hard but I couldn't get the pain and confusion off me for a second.

Alas, he called me on a Saturday to arrange a time to pick me up for church. He sounded ok. So I took the courage to ask him what was going on. The reply made me feel silly. He merely wanted to concentrate on his studies! Well, I would have still thought that he could have given me a call or something but anyhow, the story behind this was that I was worried for nothing.

Things didn't work out between me and him afterall but that's another story.

So back to the roller-coaster ride this week. I haven't been able to catch him online and text messages sent out never came back. I acted like a swan... peace and calmness on the outside but only my close friends would know how frantic I was kicking the water beneath.

It was then that this long-forgotten rendevouz between Mark and I came to my mind. And I started to pray for peace and that things would be fine in the end....

The chat I had with him last night turned out to be one of the best ever.

Seeking God in times of distress does make a difference... a great difference. Though I was disturbed through the week, that didn't affect my revision progress. It's been both a revelation and reminder.

God has directed me to Him once again when I forgot that I was no longer alone. And He's shown how he could replace my weakness with His strength. I thank Him for his consistency and faithfulness and for constantly nurturing me in ways I've never realised. Amen.



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