Home and Away

my faith, my life, in a faraway land Livin', inspirin & lovin' it

Friday, June 25, 2004

wild nite out

It's 4.39 am and I'm sipping Milo in front of the com. Should I shower now or should I do that when I wake up... at 7.30am.. yes.. 7.30am when I prepare for work. Yes.. I have to be at the office by 9am! I'm smelling like a walking cigarette. Mascara smudged. Hair out of place. Still pretty though. Danced with heaps of guys.. enjoyed being a bitch.. told someone to get lost. Being told that I was gorgeous 5 times, hot twice and that I looked like Lucy Liu once and misunderstood as a hooker once. I took the least alcohol and had the greatest time. Thumbs up, satisfied, happy.

Friday, June 18, 2004

Code Red: Territory destroyed but spirits stay strong and united (continued... )

Our conversation was interrupted by a familiar voice from behind. It was Pastor Wayne. He was talking on his mobile. Dressed in a blue, floral striped shirt, he looked energetic and cheerful.

He gave me a wave as he walked past us. I smiled back.

All of us smiled in fact, and our discussion resumed with a different mood.

"Oh well, we were planning to demolish this building and build a new one anyway right?" I asked.

"Yeah, this could just accelerate the process. We're just gonna get new things earlier!" Belinda exclaimed.

"And the latest products too... New sound system, new musical instruments and computers! Yep, this will not get us down." Ray added.

The conversation was now filled with "Yeah!", "Amen!" and "That's right!".

Indeed. Jesus said, "Where two or three have gathering together in My name, I am there in their midst" (Matthew 18:20).

The destruction of our shell, though lamentable, would not deter us from worshipping God. Looking from a Christian angle, it has definitely set us looking forward to greater things that we believe He has in store for us.

We chatted for another 20 minutes or so before Belinda said she had go home. Ray then went to attend to some other stuff and I hurried up to the offices to see if I could help with anything.

(To be continued...)

Code Red: Territory Violated (continued...)

I took a detour and made my way to the 'Blue Building' (BB houses pastors' offices and a room for worship for church satellites).

Belinda could be seen sitting along the road pavement staring at the smothering mess. I called out to her as she turned her head with a daze in her eyes. It was some moments before she said, "Oh, hi!"

I walked closer to find Ray 'hidden' behind the fence. Both of them were sharing their sentiments about the incident.

They were the first witnesses to the fire, having rushed down to the scene after being informed of the news by the pastors.

"I was here by 1a.m and the building was still burning," Belinda said.

"It's sad."

"I feel violated. It's just like my house being broken into and set on fire," Ray said as he threw another glance at the building.

I felt exactly the same way as Ray. My territory has been violated. The place which nurtured me with Godly love and where I made the promise to follow Christ. It's the first church I served and partnered and called home...

And now it's being brought down by 9 torches of fire within 3 hours.

Code Red: Territory Violated

I was at work when I received an SMS from Eunice: "Hi, church set on fire last night..."

"Oh, another successful church event," I thought as I quickly switched off my mobile and put on my head set before my boss finds out that I had bent the rules.

"MOBILE PHONES TO BE SWITCHED OFF AT ALL TIMES", reads the sign on the door to the operators' room.

Oh well.

So it was another day of learning experience. I walked out of the office, feeling satisfied with my performance at work.

My hand naturally reached out for my mobile phone in my bag as I strolled towards the train station and I recalled the message Eunice sent me earlier.

"What function was that?" I thought. I could not remember being told of any exciting events that was scheduled last night. Anyhow, I went straight to my message inbox to re-read the text...

"...suspected arson. 100k loss estimated. Pray especially for place for sunday service..."

WHAT??? Someone set the church on fire??? I was shocked at the discovery of my blunder in comprehending the message earlier on.

I was lost for words. In fact, there was no one I could talk to. I paced around the narrow pavement at the train station, not knowing how to react for some moments. Eventually, I decided to cross the bridge to the opposite platform and head to church to see if there was anything I could do to help.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I started to imagine the worst on the train. Charred buildings, revealing only stilts, ashes floating in mid-air and people surrounding the building in rude shock. It was some sort of a 'ground zero' in my ever-creative mind.

But things were barely that bad.

I walked along the familiar Barry Avenue and the first sight of the red brick building I had been worshipping in didn't seem to be any different. A closer look did reveal a number of broken windows at the second storey with soot splashed across the top. Part of the back entrance was cordoned off and the area looked like a construction site. However, all and all.. the building still looked sturdy.

The surrounding was quiet with only a couple of people walking around. I hiked up the part of the road leading from the carpark to the entrance. Michael and George were already there.

"Hey guys, how's everything going?" I asked.

"Bad. Everything's pretty messed up in there." Michael said.

"May I take a look in there?" I said.

"Yeah, probably but you've gotta be careful that you do not touch any of the things. They said the roof may come down so you have to be careful." Michael said as he guided me through the broken glass door.

*Cough* It was the smell of paint, nail varnish, and petroleum combined.. plus a tinge of exhaust fumes from a 1980 Mitsubishi pick-up. I pinched my nose and took careful steps up the stairs. The doors to the main auditorium was locked.

It was a bird's eye view from the balcony. I could see a greater contrast now. The church had a fresh gothic look. The roof had been brushed with black soot and so were the windows. Jade-green benches were added with a tinge of grey and the stage was made an absolute mystery with a new splash of black paint and little light coming in. The carpets, soaked with water from the firemen's hose were 'squashy' and dirty.

I obviously didn't like the new interior. I covered my mouth and scanned the place in disbelief as Michael urged me to stop advancing further. I said a little prayer and turn around. Stepping on the broken glasses, my heart sunk a little.

To be continued...

Saturday, June 12, 2004

heavenly hurdles?

I've been wondering if it was a test of faith when I started to fall into a state of.. not so much of a depression but disappointment and bewilderness at the beginning of the week when I couldn't get hold of him. It made me recall events of yesteryear when a similar situation happened.

It was Mark.

It was exactly this time of last year. We just came back from a 3-day Brisbane-Sydney-Newcastle-Brisbane train-road trip together. Everything seemed fine and a relationship seem to be on the cards. But I fell real hard when I couldn't get through his phone for one whole week. Friends were talking and asking about us but his sudden 'disappearance' had caused me to refrain from expressing my feelings. And I know I could have taken a five-minute walk to his place to check things out. But pride stop me. So I cooped myself at home, trying real hard to study for exams for the following week. But I was crushed. What could I have done to render a guy to avoid me like this? I prayed real hard but I couldn't get the pain and confusion off me for a second.

Alas, he called me on a Saturday to arrange a time to pick me up for church. He sounded ok. So I took the courage to ask him what was going on. The reply made me feel silly. He merely wanted to concentrate on his studies! Well, I would have still thought that he could have given me a call or something but anyhow, the story behind this was that I was worried for nothing.

Things didn't work out between me and him afterall but that's another story.

So back to the roller-coaster ride this week. I haven't been able to catch him online and text messages sent out never came back. I acted like a swan... peace and calmness on the outside but only my close friends would know how frantic I was kicking the water beneath.

It was then that this long-forgotten rendevouz between Mark and I came to my mind. And I started to pray for peace and that things would be fine in the end....

The chat I had with him last night turned out to be one of the best ever.

Seeking God in times of distress does make a difference... a great difference. Though I was disturbed through the week, that didn't affect my revision progress. It's been both a revelation and reminder.

God has directed me to Him once again when I forgot that I was no longer alone. And He's shown how he could replace my weakness with His strength. I thank Him for his consistency and faithfulness and for constantly nurturing me in ways I've never realised. Amen.


Ok... I was being paranoid... :P

Hee.. Sunshine after rain.. Think I must be pretty locked up at home studying to be thinking loads of shit. Had a good chat with him. First time he gave me some assurance. First time he said he'll wait. I'm all set on going to London again... :) And I hope it'll stay this way.

I'm a perfect girlfriend!

Or not so...???

You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I think this is accurate both ways ;)

Friday, June 11, 2004


Count me silly but the sites he usually frequent (i.e sites that track users and state the dates site was visited) has reported no trace of him for the past few days. I've been wondering if he's blocked me on MSN or has he genuinely not been coming online. It's strange cuz he follows a predictable routine everyday. Work, tv, net or Work, squash, net.. Otherwise it would be the occasional movies... No night outs cuz he's mates have all moved to the big city but anyhow, the Internet would defintely be something he would do before sleep. I really hope I'm over analysing things. But if I really am, then what could have happened to him? I can't imagine the worst. He had been undergoing tests for some infection but results have turned out well so far.. it couldn't be.. Neh.. I don't want to think about it. But gosh, I can't help but let me thoughts run wild sometimes. I'm just worried about his well-being.

Should I just text him one last time or should I pick up the phone? Or should I just give up...?

'Inner peace and charm' said my friend. Yeah.. so when a relationship and pride are both at stake, which one should I choose?

Wednesday, June 09, 2004


I've been restricting myself from blogging so I could have more time for revisions. Apparently I've achieved that.. but not so perfectly I guess.. yes.. no blogging but doesn't mean more time.. I've recently been hooked on shows proclaiming to have 'bitching attitudes' on Channel Ten. God, how I love those reality shows.. so shallow and crappy! huhahah.. well I would reckon they're better than watching movies like "Dude Where's My Car" *viana, you know what I mean*.. cuz at least they are real!!!

Oh well.. but I'm not going to go into those shows....

Gwen and I had been spending some 'quality' time in the library.. yeah pretty 'quality' I would say.. We got into endless discussions about guys and relationships. I guess being gals, we would never get enough of these.. though what we talked about were mostly repeated. The only difference was that names do change here and there. I'm still harping on the last two guys whom I've previously been with and she's obviously moved on to two new ones.

It was exciting to listen to how she talked about them and to be able to comment here and there... using my 'knowledge' in this field. Well, I guess I'm not an expert but I thought I could always pose as one. considering the amazing number of books and articles I've read about how to twist men around our little pinkies. *joking*

So anyway, I looked at the beam on Gwen's face and recalled how happy I had been, probably five months.. and then two months ago. By some twists and turns, I had gone out with two different guys. It had taken some risk-taking, a lot of following-the-heart and probably some regrets for me to be at this stage of emotional not-so-well-being.

I had lost a bet on my first long distance relationship and I guess my bet on the present one would also be a 'one-too-many' on a Black Jack table.

'One-too-many' worries, 'one-too-many' commitments... There's definitely too much entailed in this ambiguous relationship. Separated by thousands of miles, we've talked about visiting each other sometime within 6 months. Words were given and though we haven't gone into any real discussions of whether we want to be together, it seemed like we'll both try in some ways.

We would never have discussed this seriously at this moment anyway. Given his personality and mine.. Living in two different countries.. nothing is for certain and it's definitely unsaid that both of us will still keep our options open.

Anyhow, SMSs have decreased.. and MSN conversations have turned bland. Looks like though I'm still very much into him, he's probably not as passionate anymore. He chides me for how I analyse things and tells me to 'live life a little'. I hope I'm wrong about this but unreplied text messages seem to say otherwise.

Well I've been there before. It wouldn't be least difficult for me to get back on my feet again.. or maybe "get back to reality" *quoting some friends* if I needed to. I'm still booked on the flight to London. It may change however. I'm just gonna start reading the last book that may help. It's called the Holy Bible. Until then, I probably won't get an idea of how much stakes to place on the table.